There are so many ups and downs in this journey with Cancer.... we feel like we live on a perpetual roller coaster! One minute Ryan is playing and laughing and having fun (just like any little six year old boy should be doing), and the next minute he is laying on the couch, exhausted from that few minutes of play.

We go for days where it is a constant battle to get him to eat just a few bites of food each day... then all of a sudden, one morning he wakes up and ASKS for food. It is a celebration when he voluntarily eats anything!  One of the very important aspects of this fight is Ryan HAS to stay hydrated. The chemo drugs destroy kidneys and it is extremely important for him to drink A LOT. It has gotten to the point that after chemo for a few days, Ry will not drink anything, so we have to give him IV fluids at night. He is hooked up for ten hours to the IV, and I sleep in the room with him on an air mattress so I can help him go to the bathroom in the night.

We live in anticipation of his lab results. Twice a week his home health nurse, Scott, comes and draws blood to test. Those days are full of anxiety.... our life so much revolves around the results.  If the counts are good, we can do things out of the house with Ryan... we can go out to eat, or go swimming (which Ry LOVES to do). We can have a friend over to play, or he can go play with his cousins, who he misses so much. Another plus to having good counts is we get to stop the dreaded POKEY! Ryan prays for good counts so he can have a few days without that shot!
On the other hand, if his counts are low, the shots continue. And, more often than not, we have to go to PCMC for a blood transfusion.

We are constantly concerned about any virus that is going around, and if Ryan will pick it up if he goes out to dinner, or even to Walmart. There have been many days that his cousin Bailey has not been able to come (I watch Bailey so her mom and dad can work) because of a runny nose or a cough. Abby is sick right now with a fever and cough, and she can not be around Ryan for a week. Ry is catching a cold right now himself.  He is congested, runny nose, cough, but no fever. Every hour I take his temperature to make sure he is still fever free.

We have to make sure that Ry doesn't do anything that could cause a fall or him to cut himself. He can not ride his scooter or bike,  he can not even run because his legs are so unstable due to the location of the tumor on his spine. It hurts to see him not being able to be a normal little six year old. He was such an active little guy before this started. He looks outside and wishes he could go outside with his cousins, or just play in the yard in the snow and build a snowman.  It angers me that he can not do all the things little boys love to do.

Through the ups and downs of this battle, Ryan keeps smiling. He throws up one minute and the next is laughing like it never happened. He keeps a positive attitude and is a constant source of strength for me. If he can keep smiling and going about living and not complaining, who am I to feel down and defeated? When I feel despair and just want to cry in frustration... he will hug me and tell me "Gramma, it's ok... I will feel better really soon." 

I thank God for this little hero of ours. He has taught me so many valuable lessons on how to survive and how to trust. When  you say your prayers for Ryan... please say a Thank You to God for being with him every minute and for making Ryan a warrior in this battle. We all appreciate the prayers and support from everyone. Thank you for being with us.