My stomach has  knots, and my head is going a mile a minute this weekend. Monday Ryan starts his radiation treatments. His tattoos are in place, his scans have been done, and the Doctors know where and what they are going to do.

My job will be to make sure he gets to his appointments on time. 8:30 am every day, Monday through Friday at the Huntsman Cancer Institute in Salt Lake City, Utah. He can not eat or drink anything before his treatment, as they are going to put him under anesthesia. One of the small miracles we have been blessed with in time for the daily commute to SLC is that we were able to purchase a reliable car for very little money.  Being a one car family has taken its toll with all the extra trips we have had to make to the hospitals, and God blessed us with transportation.

I am worried about the combination of chemo and radiation treatment at the same time. Ryan has been so sick and barely able to eat after this last five day round of chemo, I worry about how much worse it will be when the effects of radiation start, too. One side effect will be that his esophagus will be burned, and he will be unable to swallow. He will have a feeding tube in his stomach. This will be a good thing in the respect that I will be able to make sure he is getting his meds, and he will be getting nutrition that he currently is not getting. I just hate to see him have to go through one more invasive procedure. I hate to see him have to deal with just one more "thing."

They will access his port on Monday and leave it accessed all week to make it easier to give him the anesthesia. Ryan loves his bubble baths every day, he tells me all day all the things he is going to make with the bubbles that night, lol. With his port accessed he will not be able to have those baths. It will be sponge baths all week instead. On the days that his blood counts are good, we have been taking him to the pool... with his port accessed, he will not be able to swim. To take away these small things that he loves just breaks my heart. 

I am concerned about the radiation burns. They have been described as the best case being like severe sun burn... and at worst case burning the tissue and having open burn sores. Ryans radiation will be through his chest from the front and from the sides under his arm pits. I pray the burns will not be significant and that I will be able to treat them so they are not painful for him.

I am worried that his lungs will be affected and that he will need oxygen. This is a possibility, but not a for sure thing. There are so many things that are happening and that "may" happen right now, I am worried that I will not be able give him the care that he so needs and deserves.

As we face this next step in the battle, please pray for Ryan and his strength. Please pray that radiation will go well and be as easy as possible. And please, please... pray for me, as well. Pray that I will be able to be strong enough to face what is coming and that I will be able to do for Ryan the very best possible. I know that God is with us.. I am shown this every day.  I love you all!