Gratitude!

This fight is ugly. It is harsh. It is bitter. There are many ways to describe the battle with cancer, but one  description you seldom hear is gratitude. It is so easy to dwell on the harsh realities. Only see the pain and the sickness. It breaks my heart to watch Ryan as he gets his port accessed. To hear his cries and see the fear in his eyes, even though he is being so brave and holding so still. It kills me a little more each time he is throwing up, unable to keep even water down. There are many things that hurt me as I watch him struggle. It is so easy to get caught up in those things, and to lose hope and faith that this little boy will be strong again.

There are, however, very many things to give thanks for in this fight. I give thanks for Ryan himself. To see the courage our boy exhibits every day makes me so grateful that we have him in our lives. If he can muster a smile when he is exhausted, or can manage a giggle when he is being sick, can not I, who has health, smile and giggle with him?

It is so hard to watch the doctors and nurses fill his little body with poison, knowing that the side effects alone can kill him, and yet know that through these drugs, he will have a chance at life. I am grateful for the drugs. I am grateful for the same doctors and nurses that do everything in their power to make things as easy on Ryan as they possibly can. I am thankful for the nurses that keep smiles on their faces and laughter in their eyes, even when they see and have to deal with the unthinkable. It takes a remarkable type of person to be a children's oncology nurse. I will forever be grateful for their strength.

I am grateful for all the people that have come into our lives to help us with this battle. The prayer warriors, the ones that have contributed to our fund raising efforts, the ones that just plain out CARE. There are many angels out there and no words can express my thankfullness to them.

I am thankful for God himself. I praise God that I am strong enough to help Ryan... and that He keeps Ryan strong enough to fight. I am grateful to God for the little things in our lives that give us pleasure and divert us from the attrocities we face. I am grateful for sunsets... for sunshiney days... for the picture of a snowman in Arizona that brought a smile to Ryan's face. I am grateful for the music and the children's songs that Ryan delights in singing and having sung to him.  I am thankful that no matter what obstacle comes our way, God comes through for us and helps us overcome. We were in desperate need of another car before Ryan started radiation. We were able to purchase one that will fit our needs, and I know it was God that brought us that opportunity and the means with which to buy it.

I am grateful for my children, Ryan's parents and aunts and uncles. Without them, this fight would be unbearable. They give us both strength daily and they are all there to fill any needs that we may have. This is a fight for the entire family and it gives me much strength to know they are all there right along side of us.

Please take a minute today.... look at the obstacles in your own lives. Then open your eyes and see the Glory of God all around you.  We all have battles in life, we all have trials.  But know that God is with you, He will never give you more than you can do, because He will equip you. May you all have a Blessed Sunday!