I so wish I knew what the future holds.  I have never been one to worry about what tomorrow will bring, being content to live for today.... knowing that, no matter what was down the road, I would be fine.

There are so many unknown factors in the battle of cancer. Even the day today factors.... will Ryan eat today?  Will Ryan feel good enough to go out of the house? Will Ryan's counts be good enough for him to participate in a scheduled activity?  The unknowns that affect us day to day are overwhelming. It is hard to make any plans, to anticipate any event. We never know if today is the day he will have to be rushed down to Primary's for a blood transfusion, or if today is the day he will develope a fever out of nowhere and have to rush to the hospital for that.
We live in anticipation for the results of his labs that are done twice a week. They determine if Ryan will be able to go out to dinner with the family, or even to the grocery store. If  his counts are good, he can go swimming, an activity that he dearly loves. It is so hard not to know from day to day what he will be able to do.

Yesterday his home health nurse was here to do labs, and he asked about radiation treatments. Ryan's radiation is scheduled to start on Feb 25.  We were told of some quite serious side effects to expect from the radiation when we went to his initial radiology appointment a couple of weeks ago.  I guess it really did not hit home with me until yesterday while talking with Scott, Ryans nurse. It is so easy to think... yes, that could happen, but it WONT happen to us.  Now the unknown of just what will happen is almost unbearable.

Because of the location of the tumor on Ryan's spine, the radiation is going to affect his lungs and his esophagus. He will probably lose his ability to swallow, and because of this will need to have a feeding tube. Because he is so young, they will probably put a feeding tube into his stomach.
The lungs will be damaged, causing him to probably be on oxygen. There will be some serious burns at the radiation site.... best case will be like third degree sunburn... bad enough for a young child. The burns could be quite severe, causing muscle and tissue damage. He will probably need IV antibiotic therapy.

These possibilities  (very likely) along with the continuing chemotherapy and the side effects that are becoming more invasive from that is taking its toll on our family. It is getting harder and harder to take this "one day at a time", while not knowing what tomorrow will bring.

I need to take a lesson from Ryan himself. I need to draw from the strength he is showing each and every day. He takes each set back and each side effect in stride and carries on. When we say he is a Warrior, that is, indeed, what he is. I need to take each new thing that comes up one at a time and face it when I have to face it. I need to draw strength from the knowledge that God is in control of this and of everything. I know that God will equip me with what I need in order to do my best for Ryan.

So please, all of you Prayer Warriors out there  that are praying for all of us... pray that we find the strength and the peace of one day at a time.  Let us take each issue that may arise and overcome it as we need to. Pray for us not to worry, not to fret. You all are a very important part of our battle, and we love you for being here for us in our need.  God Bless you all.