Reality hits

I have been in a state of denial about this whole relapse with Ryan. I knew in my head that it is real, and that we are facing "hell on earth" again... but my heart just had not accepted the reality of it all.

Yesterday, as I was driving to Primary Children's Hospital, the song BLESSINGS came on K-Love radio (The only station Ryan will listen too!) When we finished our fight last time around, I made a slide show with some pictures of our fight and that was the music I chose to play in the show. It spoke to my heart that our blessings truly do come from heartache. When the song started playing, I felt as though my stomach had been punched and I started crying. My heart finally knew that this was all real again.

Ryan is such a little trooper. He was in great spirits all day... talking and laughing with the drs and nurses. We visited with his oncology doctors and found out the plan of action we will take.

He will begin chemo as an out-patient, meaning we will go to the Oncology clinic every day to receive his chemo and IV fluids, then we will go home. There will be five days chemo, and two week break, so every 21 days we will begin another round. We were told that his bone marrow is tired from so much chemo last time around, and that it never fully recovers.... so his "rebound" time will take longer and longer as we go on. The 21 day cycle is ideal, but if his blood counts drop, that 21 days will become longer and longer. We will be on this fight for nine months to a year.

Already, we are receiving Blessings in our renewed tears and pain. There are so many GOOD people in this world.  We have an army of beautiful people that are showering us with love and prayers... and there are some really great things being planned to help Ryan and our family get through this. I will be posting more about those things as they happen... for now I can say... HOPE is such a powerful emotion.  Anticipation and fun activities to look forward to bring us hope and strength. For a little while, we can focus on fun and family and not the BEAST. God is truly blessing us with many angels here on earth.

Count your blessings, friends. Find joy in the mundane, every day minutes that make up our lives. God blesses us with so many things, if we just take the time to see them... sunrises, sunsets, butterflies and blue jays, snowflakes and frost patterns, babies smiles and the stories that our elderly people want to share. Love someone, and help someone that needs what only you can do. And hug your kids. You never know when YOUR smile may be the blessing God has for another person today.

If you would like to view the slideshow of our first fight, go here..... http://www.smilebox.com/playBlog/4e4449774e7a45344d6a4d3d0d0a&blogview=true